Place for Critiques~

This is where you may have your own thread dedicated for simple critique or even just compliments on writing style.

Do not take anything to heart as we are only trying to help you improve but at the same time do not be openly rude about anything.

May we all become better writers together~

I would like to be critiqued. :3

I would also like to be critiqued~

Me too!~

And I'm just gonna pick some characters for each person, and what I like about how they wrote, since I've only RPd with some of them.

For Silverishness: I love what you've done with Cairo. The imagery you use, the subtlety of actions that he does, it's absolutely terrific. The little details is what really brings your characters to life. Especially his awkward waddle. <3 It makes me giggle everytime I picture it.

For Ciana: I like Heras' personality, and how well you can communicate her thoughts by essentially becoming her, thinking like her. It's completely in first person POV! It's the first time I saw that here, and it's truly awesome. It brings a whole new perspective to the story, and an interesting way of showing what's going on.

Ummm...I don't really have anything constructive to say about how to improve for you guys, I think both of your writing skills are fantastic. You're always a pleasure to RP with. <3

I would like to be critiqued please :3

Awwww <3 Thank you Ana! I always love first person POV with characters I know well c:

I would love to be critiqued please

Silverishness, one thing I have noticed about you- you just love pussy, cursing, @ssholes. Yet you are such an awesome person.
I like that you can get far enough away from yourself to portray those characters properly~
Great job.

Ana, almost the same thing. You like gruff men, even if I only really know Strix and Plauge, and yet you are one of the sweetest person I know on here <3
Great job on also really getting away from you're personality to get the characters down so well~

You both have a lovely variety of characters and I am thrilled to have teams with both of you <3


Winter, I have not really anything to critisize abou lt you. You have a nice style and a great way of describing. Honestly, maybe you could try to get mire in depth by describing more of what you're characters are thinking?

Gosh that just sounds harsh, Im sorry :c I am not trying to insult you

;w; thank you, both!

Ciana: I adore Hera, and I already love Jude. With your writing style and Hera, it's seamless. You are not the author writing her, you are her, writing your own biography. Though, I could say with Jude, you change your point of view from 1st to 3rd, and it gets a little confusing sometimes. I think you should stick with straight first person-- it's obviously your strong suit and you shouldn't deviate away from it. :3

Ana: Man, you're freaking awesome. I love every single character of yours I come across and I'm a little jealous of anyone on Ilex Team with you. XD PLAGUE. As far as critiquing, there's nothing I can really say. Your writing style is near flawless, your characters are round and developed almost before they hit the page, and all of your characters are just so different. I appreciate a writer that can have such versatility. But for now, I think I'm gonna stop riding your dick for a while. XD <3

Winter: I haven't gotten too much time with you, dear, but from my small experience in Mountain, Lostlorn and Shadow teams, I can say a few things. :) Your style is wonderful, though there are some technical issues that pop up every now and again (Just grammar stuff). Otherwise, it's pretty damn good. :D You have a knack for narration. Keep it up!

Li: I'm sorry, I don't really know your style very well... :< I wish I could say something, though.

Everyone that I could say something about, I think you're all some of the top rpers in the site. Keep it up! 83 <333

I'd like a critique please. :3

I think that I WILL just take Jude straight up into First person POV, Silverish |D I already know him pretty well and it would be easier haha

I would also like to be critiqued c:


I'll start off with doing one critique (I'm not very good at these things):

Winter: I really enjoy rping with Garth! He's so sneaky, you pull it off very well. He's written very well; he does a good job at acting, yet very subtle things tip you off to his darker motives. That's one of the things I really like in writing: small, subtle actions that give a character more depth.


I wish I could critique more of you ;; I'm either not in a team with you, or haven't been for very long...

I would like to be critiqued

If it's not too much trouble, critique me as well? Oh, and can someone read and review these three paragraphs of a short story I'm writing? xD

Indigo winds passed by and the lone woman stood on the cliff. Her hands were clasped shut into fists as she grasped at her torn jeans until her knuckles turned white. Back straight, eyes trained onto the sun as if she was trying to rip it apart with her mind. She gritted her teeth as the coloured gales swooped through the canyon producing a hollow sound—a lonesome sound. Her eyes were blurry with salty tears that she had shed every night as she implored for redemption. Invisible bricks of hatred piled into her body until she could no longer hold them all and forced itself out as a howl. The shriek was the embodiment of the fury and disgust as the noise resonated along the cold, rocky walls of the ravine below. She was alone, and helpless to change it.

A faint memory of long ago, the summer days where she spent her afternoons on the same cliff arose in her mind. She wasn’t lonely and helpless back then, and the thoughts mocked her current state and how different she has become. The screech slowly died down as the figure fell to her knees, arms weak and looking to the sky as if all the answers were held there. The memories, the last vestiges of what she could remember, reminded her that she had friends—friends that cherished her company. Friends that believed in her, but said memories also emphasize how she saw them as tools. She was a bloody traitor and she knew it.

The dreaded thought that held the traces of the day, she had backstabbed them, clenched her head and forcefully entered. They painfully remind her of the gallons of blood spilled. She had revealed their location at a critical time, alerting their enemy forces and willingly joined the other side. She had followed their foe in the massacre and accompanied them in killing countless citizens forcing their rule upon them. Although none of that really mattered to her except the fact that she permanently crippled her once best friend.

I wouldn't mind being critiqued!

(Don't worry my abundance of commas! lol
I had an English teacher DRILL those things into me because I tend to be somewhat over-descriptive.
They kind of, well, stuck.)

I would like to be critiqued

I'd love to be crituqed as well! :D

I'd love to be critiqued! ;3

Saphira: My gosh girl, I love the characters you make. Each of them has a very distinctive personality, and with each post you get right into them. x3 Can I say that Rocket is amazing uguu. And you've said beforehand (someplace, somewhere) that you plan ahead and you plan out your character before actually putting them on EJ, and let me tell you, that the planning pays off so fantastically when you begin to write as them. ^w^

Luteshi: Okay, I gotta go on to posting for my teams, so lemme just say that your three paragraphs are really interesting and I wanna see the rest of it, but the one thing that stood out to me was missing transitional words here and there (for example: therefore, afterwards, all of a sudden, etc etc). Bu Otherwise, you must show me the rest of this story when it is finished pleaseee <3

MoonlightEve: I really like the back story to all of your characters, but sometimes I feel as if they lack depth. :o I mean, not being critical here, but I think the reason you can't keep your characters is because you don't entirely give them flaws and issues that they need to work out in the role-play. kjfa;ls I guess character development would be really nice to see in your characters (and possibly grammar/spell check orz).

Can I be critiqued please?

I'd like one -eyes-

May I be critiqued? :3

:UUU Okay, the people I haven't critiqued so far is either because I don't role-play with them enough to get a proper evaluation and stuff, or they've already been critiqued orz. LET US BE TRUTHFUL AND BE CRITIQUED AND BECOME BETTER WRITERS EVERYONE. TOGETHER. FOREVER.

Argentum: Goodness, I love what you've done with Ariel and how much she's developed as a character from the first post. She's lost so much, and her story is really sad. ;w; I'll admit though that your posts are really lope-sided - either one post is solely about her moving, or it's entirely about her thoughts. Find a way to balance those two out, and I think your posts will become that much more interesting <33

Echocave: Blaze is awesome; no, she's fucking awesome. I feel as if I've grown with that Typhlosion all throughout her life, because she - or you, it's the same thing - brings back her memories so fluently and elegantly that, post by post, I slowly learn about her life. ;3 Despite the few spelling errors, I find the way that you write very captivating~

Drago: I love Drago - as in your Dragonite. xDD There's just something about the way that you write your characters that makes me fall in love with them right away (he's such a gentle giant~). :3 I don't really have much else to say to you, other than that your characters are really awesome and I enjoy role-playing with you!

Blitzstrike: The one thing that piqued my interest from your writing skills is when your character speaks, it's in italics - very different from what any other person does. And I find it really cool, if not interesting! ;D Frankly, one reason why I've always wanted to role-play with you is because you're such a great writer, and all of your characters are so great to be with!

SkyRo-cket: Qurl, I love all your characters to bits <33 They all have something that defines them, something that sets them apart from everything else, and that's what I love about your characters; they're all unique. Though frankly, I don't like paragraphs of centered text (that's my opinion fjkdsljf;as) and capitalized words (LIKE THIS) in literature, I find everything that your characters do within the role-play very... comical. ;3

Aww thanks Nega<333 I will write some critiques tomorrow so you should look for yours(:

Negative10: Fffftt How dare you ask to be critiqued! |D You are already an amazing writer, you paint you're characters so well with words like I would draw a pucture. I have fallen in love with each of you're characters because they all seem to have troubled pasts, like poor Staccato and his trainer <\3, and you can tell us so vividly what they are thinking and feeling. Freaking keep it up~

I’d love a critique! :3

I’ve also got a couple critiques for users on the first page. I’ll get round to doing some more in the week c:

Silverishness: I absolutely adore your characters! Although I’ve only had the chance to roleplay with Sil and Skoll, I often read the posts in Celadon Team and of course, the famous Under Team. I’m extremely impressed with the variety of attitudes you bestow on your creations and how well you stick to their personas in each individual team. You’re unafraid to play the least likable sort of character and your writing style is just great! It’s a nice balance between the character’s actions and thoughts, with the occasional twist of humour. Be it Ari’s swearing or Sil’s sarcasm, I always look forward to your next post! :3

Wind: Your posts are a pleasure to read and are able to successfully evoke the required emotion. Whether its distrust for Garth or sympathy for Cloud, you have a great way of interacting with your teammates and I’m glad of the simplicity. Except for the occasional grammatical mistake, I feel there is little room for improvement and can only say I’m eager to join another of your teams in the future. Atticus & Maudie <3

Argentum: I can honestly say Gormlaith is one of my favourite characters on the site – there doesn’t seem to be enough genuinely nice survivors! I love the whole concept of ‘gentle giant’ and think she’s become a valuable part of the Alph Team. My only suggestion would be to maybe write a little bit more with each post. I can only say that from my time with you on Alph and you might be typing pages on other teams – I apologize if so – but it’d be nice to see some more of Gormlaith’s thoughts. ^^